Marty Smith's 1977 RC500 Works Honda.

On Halloween night, October 31st 2008, the top motocross stars from the seventies and eighties converged on The California Theater in San Bernardino, California, to honor one of their own, Brad Lackey, and donate the proceeds of ticket sales to the Reeves-Irvine Spinal Cord Research Center, a truly noble cause. This festive event was produced by Todd Huffman and Donald Hoffman, producers of the MX Files that's shown on the Speed channel. 

Todd and Don have been around the MX scene for as long as most of the riders showcased that evening, and know their way around a camera. When you roll into the theater, about a dozen restored motocross machines from the period are parked in the foyer to greet you, and this sets the tone for a fantastic evening, re-living past glories and memories of seeing these champions race, back when long travel was new, and water cooling was for Ramblers.

Me and Malcolm.

Of course, I was supposed to show up early to get some interviews with the racers, but Southern California traffic did it's best to see that didn't happen. We left Burbank for the 70 mile ride to San Bernardino around 3:30, giving ample time to arrive at the California Theatre before five, well before the festivities started. We didn't make it to San Berdoo until well after six thirty. Just in time to be crushed in an alcohol-soaked fan melee in the foyer of the theatre, where I ran over a few feet, and even had some cutie dressed as a 1920's flapper fall into my lap. Love those pit tootsies.

I got a glimpse of David Bailey signing autographs and helmets; he waved and quickly disappeared behind a wall of fans holding up autograph books. I talked with Tom White, and got a picture taken with Malcolm Smith, shot the bull with Gary Jones for a few, and now on a roll, I found and cornered Tony D for some insightful conversation that went something like this:

Tony D.

Me: Tony DiStefano! How are you sir? I'm Matt Cuddy for Off-road.com covering the event, and was wondering how you find the festivities?

Tony D: (looking as if he'd just found a small annoying insect) Fine.

Me: Hey, I guess you noticed I'm in a wheelchair too, got nailed on my Buell by some nitwit in an SUV, how long has it been for you? 20 years? This just happened to me about a year and a half ago and…

Tony D: 20 years. Street bikes are dangerous.

Me:  Er, yes, well ...Tony, what do you think of the new tracks these kids have to race on?

Tony D: (no response and wheeled away quickly to talk with Jody Weisel from MXA).

Gary Jones.

Well, time for another Country Club on ice! These former champs are tough nuts to crack, lemme tell you … I'm sure it had nothing to do with me wearing a Soviet officer's hat; after all it was Halloween.

About that time, the movie was beginning and everyone started shuffling into the theater, and of course I got a good place in the handicapped zone, in the nose bleed section of the theatre. The riders on stage looked like ants, and even with the 10x zoom of the mighty Olympus, I couldn't make out who was who.

I could identify Bob Hannah just by the glint off his front teeth, but everybody else might as well been the grocer down at Ralph's  Tony D rolled up next to me in some gigantic wheelchair that made mine look like a toy of some sort. I didn't realize what a big guy he is. Once again I tried to engage in polite conversation, but after a few more brush offs by the former AMA champ, I just gave up and concentrated on the roasting all the former MX stars were giving Brad Lackey.

The move turned out to be "the lost footage" of "One Chance To Win". It was a parody of the movie with the former MX stars taking on the personalities of their opponents.  Bob Hannah wore a Billy Grossi wig, while Rick James' "Super Freak" played in the background. Rick Johnson took on the personae of Bob Hannah by donning a blond wig, and fake buck teeth, funny stuff indeed. Another more poignant film came after, that showcased the great riders of the period whose lives ended prematurely.  This was well received by the audience, as many a great rider or personality who isn't around anymore flashed across the screen, and was greeted with applause from the packed house.

Lacky's 500cc Suzuki, dah winnah! Suzuki went ape when he ran a Simons fork and shock. Too bad, what works works, even for a works bike. Ahead of their time with the USD design.

Rest in peace brothers, we'll see you again someday, where the race never ends, and the coolers are always full. But all too soon the movies ended, and left us with the roasting of Brad Lackey by his cohorts. The panoply of MX stars pressed into service roasting Lackey made for some great laughs from the audience, but most inside jokes were lost on me, since I was never what you could call a fanatical fan of any of these guys.  To me they were just other dirt bikers who were a lot faster than me, and I didn't have their posters in my room, or hung on every quote they made in the next issue of MXA.  I was too busy riding and racing myself to be caught up in star worship, or the cult of personality.  My camera kept going to the '69 CZ high pipe on the stage, instead of the racers. Such is my affinity for old bikes, not old bikers.

The roasting crew.

Right about that time my bladder was backing up to its overflow point and I had to quickly exit my place in the handicapped section, past Tony D and some lady with her leg in a cast. As I sped through the packed foyer again, I ran over a few more shoes of unwary besotted fans, and made it to the men's room with seconds to spare. Phew. Such is life when half of your body is at war with the other half. And unfortunately the lower half has all the weapons of mass embarrassment at its disposal, so you'd better listen to it.

By the time I got back to my place in the handicapped zone, Brad had gotten his Edison Dye award and the throngs of fan boys and fan girls were converging on the bar and foyer again, so it was my time to exit stage right. Kudos to Todd and Don  and their crew in producing a great event for such a worthy cause, one that I'm sure will get me, Tony D and David Bailey walking and riding again someday.  It's only a matter of time.